It was raining very heavily that day in Zumri Talaya, a small village in Honolulu. Champu (our hero by the way) was heavily drunk as usual. He was on his 1950s Atlas bicycle riding at 20 Kilometres per hour (don’t ask how he can drive so fast…remember our man is drunk he can fly as well). And as it was raining so heavily and he was so drunk he lost his way and went straight into a rice field. That field had a well. Okay now please don’t think that he lost his balance and fell into the well, this is a Prashant Bankar story and not Ekta Kapoor’s. Now as it was raining so heavily he though of standing under a shed adjacent to the well.
As he sat under the shed and gulped down another desi tharra bottle, he saw a young woman, maybe in mid 20s, slim, fair, and beautiful. Oh yes, he also saw two bullocks roaming in the field and a tractor. Don’t even dare ask what the bulls were doing in that field. The woman was shouting at top of her voice, “Let me die, let me die.” Now obviously our hero was moved by her plight and he moved forward to help her. He pushed her into the well. Oh come on don’t get emosanal now, Champu is just helping her, remember what she is saying let me die, let me die, like a pure gentleman he fulfilled her wish, well he almost did. But then 5 men holding sticks came from behind thrashed champu and saved Champa (our heroine who wanted to commit suicide). And while champu was beaten black and blue he looked into champa’s eyes and immediately the Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge song started in the background (now come on there’s no zumri talaya any where and this is a filmy story so any thing is possible). So the song went like this, “Tujhe dekha toh yeh jana sanam..blah blah.” No brownies for guessing that right, Champu had fallen in love with Champa. Apparently, even Champa had fallen in love wid him, love at first sight you see. And the two were separated.
Now by this time you are dying to know what happened to them, but before that let me tell you a little about Champa and Champu. Champu was a poor farmer’s son, an I.T. engineer by profession and by now its clear why he started drinking heavily. Recession: he lost his job, he lost his house and started remaining unhappy. Its not that our hero didn’t try to regain his life. He tried hard, very hard in fact. He had almost convinced a rich girl to marry him, a money lender’s daughter. He even asked for a hefty dowry. But the money lender refused and said I have four daughters and one son and a lazy housewife. He said, “I shall give you 15,000 rupees per year for next 10 years, chalta hai toh bol.” But our hero, swabhimani na, said, “Itna income toh hum mahiney main Ramlal ko detey hai.” But money lender wouldn’t listen, he said, “if you want to get married to my daughter, ghar jamai banna padega.” Champu said fine I don’t mind. But no, god didn’t like champu’s happiness. The rich girl he was about to marry now refused saying, “main aise aadmi se shadi nahi kar sakti. Nahiiiiiiii!!!” And since then, Champu started drinking even more and look now he is in the rain field getting beaten by some unknown goons. Now about Champa, why the hell you want to know about her, typically Indians you are. She lived in a nearby city by the way and worked as a popcorn seller in a cinema hall.
That’s it, the story is over. Now all stories don’t have a happy ending. This is a Hollywood story.
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